The 33 Rules of Zombieland: How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse


Happy new year, zombie fans all over the world! Right before 2016 took its final breath, I managed to watch again one of the funniest and most successful zombie movies (at least when it comes to mainstream success): Zombieland.

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I am sure you all remember that the main character has a set of rules in place for surviving the zombie apocalypse and I decided to list them all below for fun and safe keeping. So below you have the 33 rules of Zombieland: the fun way to survive the zombie apocalypse. And the truth is that most of these “rules” are not as crazy as they might sound in the first place!

So without further ado, here are the 33 rules we’ve learned from Zombieland. Make sure you keep them in mind for when the zombie apocalypse strikes!

Rule #1: Cardio – The faster you run, the further away you can be from a zombie.


Rule #2: The Double Tap – Never assume a zombie is dead. Always make sure with a clean shot to the brain.

Rule #3: Beware of Bathrooms – Zombies can be sneaky. Always be cautious when entering the “facilities”.

Rule #4: Wear Your Seatbelt – There will already be enough to worry about, with the living dead running around. Make sure you’re buckled in secure, just in case.

Rule #5: No Attachments – Don’t get too attached to your travel buddies. You may be blowing their brains out in the end.

Rule #6: Cast Iron Skillet – Sturdy and portable, this household item makes a great zombie deterrent.

Rule #7: Travel Light – Only carry the necessities. You never know when you’re going to have to pick up and go in a hurry.

Rule #8: Get a Kickass Partner – Always good to have an experienced zombie killer on your side.

Rule #9: With Your Bare Hands – Always have some kind of weapon at the ready. Do you really wanna touch these undead freaks with your bare skin?

Rule #10: Don’t Swing Low – Despite how some females feel about men, all brains are located in the head. That’s where you wanna aim.

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Rule #11: Use Your Feet – Running, jumping, kicking away zombies. Your feet are always something you should take full advantage of.

Rule #12: Bounty Paper Towels – When it comes to the undead, you can never be too clean. Always carry these for messes, big or small.

Rule #13: Shake It Off – Whether it be bad thoughts, shock, or a zombie, you gotta shake it off.

Rule #14: Always Carry a Change of Underwear – You never know when you might need it.

Rule #15: Bowling Ball – While it may not kill a zombie, it can definitely incapacitate a number of them at a time to set up for the Double Tap.

Rule #16: Opportunity Knocks – And whenever it does, make sure you answer.


Rule #17: (Don’t) Be a Hero – Unless it’s a matter of life and death, there’s no need to show off.

Rule #18: Limber Up – Nothing will slow you down like a pulled muscle.

Rule #19: Break It Up – It’s always good to blow off a little steam. If the zombie apocalypse has you all stressed out, just break something. Just make sure it’s not anything important.

Rule #20: It’s a Marathon, Not a Sprint – Unless it’s time to sprint… then sprint.

Rule #21: Avoid Strip Clubs

Rule #22: When in Doubt, Know Your Way Out – Always have an escape route. You never know when you might have to run.

Rule #23: Ziploc – Those little bags are for more than sandwiches. They help keep moisture out, so it’s always good to have them handy.

Rule #24: Use Your Thumbs – Ours were made opposable for a reason.

Rule #25: Shoot First – You don’t have to ask zombies anything anyways.

Rule #26: A Little Sunscreen Never Hurt Anybody – Do you really wanna have to worry about sunburn, too?

Rule #27: Incoming! – Always be on your toes. You never know what could come out of nowhere.

Rule #28: Double-knot Your Shoes – You don’t want to trip over unsecured laces while running from flesh hungry zombies, now do you?

Rule #29: The Buddy System – The more, the merrier. Never go it alone.

Rule #30: Pack Your Stain Stick – For those tough, ground in blood stains.

Rule #31: Check the Back Seat – As stated before, zombies can be sneaky.

Rule #32: Enjoy the Little Things – It’ll help you keep your sanity.

Rule #33: Swiss Army Knife – Multitools are always a good idea.

What other rules would you add to this impressive set regarding survival during the zombie apocalypse?

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  1. #?? Crowbars
    Crowbars can get you into places, break into locked things like vending machines, make good ad hoc weapons, and can be used to bar doors. Again, good ad hoc weapons.

    #?? Hammer
    Lots of similarities to crowbars. Good with skulls.

  2. #?? Stay loaded – Always have extra bullets, you never know when you’ll run out of ammo
    #?? Take your chances – If someone offers any essentials(like bullets or guns), take that offer.
    #?? Check the food – Whenever you find food that isn’t yours, always check it to make sure there isn’t anything unwanted in it. ALWAYS check the expiration date.

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  4. #??: Weapon training: You should pick weapons that are easy and comfortable to use. 9MMs, Shotguns, and Semi-Auto rifles are best.

    #??: Teamwork: Pretty common sense. Zombies tend to attack in teams, so you need to do the same.

    #??: Get a big vehicle: More space; More gas mileage; better armor; might have some useful junk in the trunk.

    #??: Can’t find it, craft it: Learn to make simple tools or weapons, like shivs, clubs, knives, or molotovs.

    #??: Cook your own food: Similar to the previous rule. You won’t be getting your meals from McDonald’s. You gotta become your own chef.

    #??: Drink plenty of water: Self-explanatory.

    #??: Keep a radio handy: Communication is important. Radios can make it much easier.

  5. #?? The only time you can have too much fuel is when the car/aircraft is on fire.
    #?? Engage from a standoff if possible. Why fight fair? See Apache helicopter.
    #?? Keep the greasy side down. Driving/flying like a madman rarely works out. See Rules #4 #20, #22,

  6. Door wedges.

    You will often find yourself needing to put a door between you and a horde of flesh-eating freaks. A door wedge will make sure that door stays shut behind you exactly 50% of the time. I like those odds.

  7. #?? Stealth – Just because they aren’t the smartest doesn’t mean they cant hear.
    #?? Be prepared to be scared – Your running for your life so just know your going to get scared.
    #?? Make sure they know you care – Stated in rule #5 you might end up killing or watching your friends/family/or pets die, so just make sure they know that you care and your doing this for their own good.
    #?? The samurai rule – Just like the samurai you need to know how to think of yourself as already dead so you don’t fear death.
    #?? Know what’s to come – Know if you get bit you have to die. Either kill yourself or have others do it for you. say your goodbye’s fast and don’t be scared, keep in mind your helping others.


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